Sara Marie

One Second

2010-09-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

What if everything changed for you in one split second?

If you are like me, and most other people, you have dreams and plans for the future. When we are little we dream about what we want to be when we grow up. When we are in high school we dream about living on our own and staying up late. When we are in college we dream about that ever-elusive graduation day. After that our dreams begin to include someone else. We dream about marriage, career, family, etc. We begin to make plans for all the things we've always been told to wait for. Well finally they come. You find someone you can't live without, or you find that passion for a career that you've worked hard to find a place in, you have that sweet little baby, you buy a house, etc. We all have our own dreams, some similar and some vastly different. The point is we all make plans and work toward a certain goal or dream in life. Well, I was faced with a question recently:

What if everything changed in one split second?

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend was hit by a car. Thank goodness he is alright and his bumps and bruises and fractures are healing. However, it was a moment to stop and think. What if something worse had happened? It was a painful and terrifying thing to consider. One split second of a difference could have changed everything as he would have been hit more severely. I remember sitting in the ER, waiting through the x-rays and such just thanking and thanking God, and then thanking him some more. Like I said, we eventually find that person that we can't live without. I had to consider that I could've lost that. I mean it is something that will become a regular thought as my courageous man can't wait to save people's lives as a firefighter.

Well, I can tell you that it was impossible to get upset at anything he did for weeks because all I wanted to do was sit with him and hug him and just be thankful I have him. But it was definitely a thought-provoking situation.

So, I ask you, what do you love so much that you can't live without it?

I am blessed to not only have an amazing boyfriend that is my forever, but I have a BEAUTIFUL family and great friends. I have a great church that I am involved in and I am loving getting my education. My life is wonderful, and I was reminded to NEVER take any of those things for granted.

I encourage you to hug your loved ones a little tighter today, send out some I love you text messages or call some people you haven't spoken to in a while. Because life is too short and it is never guaranteed. Everything could change in one second so don't waste that second holding grudges or taking for granted the wonderful gifts God has given you.

Just a thought for Just this second of your time :)

Picture Purposes Only!

2010-07-19T20:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I wanted to post a blog to share some of my favorite pictures from the 4th of July. I will be uploading a lot more pictures from now on. Well, once I get my external hard drive that it. My poor computer is cracking under the pressure of all these photographs!

I may not be on the fast track, but I'm still strapped in for the ride.

2010-06-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

I have always loved the story of Ruth. One of my favorite ladies of the Bible for sure! What I love is that nothing about her life turned out the way she expected it to, but God still gave her a wonderful ending. It's like that with God. We think we have it all planned out until he comes in and changes everything. Ruth was a young woman with her life ahead of her, when unexpectedly her husband dies. She is left to care for her mother-in-law. I tried to put myself in these shoes. I cannot imagine losing my husband. It is a scenario I have had to think about. Vin is a firefighter, it is is passion. I think it is amazing, yet terrifying all at the same time. If something happened, and I was put in Ruth's shoes, would I have the strength to go on? Could I turn all my hurt and heartache, broken dreams and plans over to God and allow him to redeem my life's story into something all his own. Her resilience and selflessness amazes me. She could have hated God and blamed Him, but rather she trusted enough to follow the new path He set out for her. I love the book of Ruth, definitely a great read, even though it's only four chapters.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, tomorrow we are going the St. Augustine area. Vin and I were given a gift certificate for a photo shoot with Sara Purdy Photography. I can't wait :) I bought us coordinating outfits. Yah, I'm a dork like that. We are having famly breakfast in the morning so I will be up making pancakes and eggs for my favorite peoples <3 Yay! It's gonna be a greaaattt Saturday!

17 days, 13 months, nearing the end of a week.

2010-06-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. . . so much to do and so much to talk about!

17 DAYS

Well,
Today was the seventeenth day of reading through the Bible in 90 Days. I finished up Joshua and started in Judges. The recurring theme, over the last few book of the Bible actually, has been the complete incompetence of the Israelites. (Sorry to be so harsh). Through the leadership of Moses, all the way through Joshua, the Israelites proved to me the most fickle, untrusting people I have ever seen. I look at their journey and see all of the incredible miracles the Lord preformed right before their eyes and the absolute grace that can be seen over them. However, throughout it all the complained over and over about leaving Egypt, about not having meat or water, etc. They doubted God at every turn. It seemed to me that every few chapters, either their leader, an angel of the Lord, or God himself had to give the Israelites a history lesson on all he had already done for them before they would press on any further. It seems completely silly looking at them from the outside perspective. However, if we take a step back and think is it possible the we do the same things?
Have we not all doubted God? Even if you haven't, you can bet their has been a time where you have a least questioned God, whether it be something He did or the methods by which He did it. How silly is it that God has to give us a little review over everything He has already done for us, which we can all say is a whoolllleee LOT of good things, before we will trust Him with the next thing, the next situation, the next decision. As I keep the story of the Israelites in mind, it gives the phrase, "Just give it to God" a whole new meaning. It is something I am going to focus on from here on out. I need not complain, God has supplied my every need. I need not worry, He knows everything from my beginning to my end. I need not grumble, His ways are higher than mine. I need not question, He is always right!

13 MONTHS

Todays marks my thirteen month anniversary with my best friend. Vincent Michael Hahr is certainly one of the good things God has done for me. I feel so unworthy to have been given such a blessing. I am amazed at God for bringing me someone who knows me better than anyone else ever has, without me having to explain myself. Someone who makes up for my weaknesses and knows just how to make bad days better. I don't think there are the right words to express how lucky I am, but I love my boyfriend that's for sure.

NEARING THE END OF A WEEK. . . .

Well, it has been a VERY full and fun week in East Tennessee. There is nothing like learning about your heritage, seeing where your family came from and spending some quality time with loved ones. I have loved everything about this trip. Although, I am sure that all this Southern cooking killed the five pounds I lost last week. Darn! Tomorrow, we leave and stop in North Carolina for a little visit before heading home. Boy oh boyyyyy am I ready to see some faces and not be driving this car!! So far I have taken about 1,200 pictures. It has been so much fun :)

Until next time, I love you all <3

On the Road. . .

2010-06-12T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

I must say that i love love love summer timeeee <3

Before I blog, let me update you on my Bible in 90 Days challenge. We have finished Leviticus and moved into Numbers. After reading Leviticus, and the detailing of the requirements for sacrifices and all other matters, I must say how unbelievably thankful I am for the ultimate sacrifice of our Savior. We would never measure up, but we don't have to. Jesus paid the price; he did it all. I am amazed.

"God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?"

This passage is found in Numbers, and I just love it. Stop and think. "God is not a man." This is why our understanding of God can only reach so far. Our minds are trapped in our own reality. God is not like us, therefore it is hard for us to fathom the heights and depths of his grace and love. Everything he says comes true, and everything he promises will be fulfilled. What a mighty God we serve!

Well, I am in Columbia, SC staying at the swankiest Holiday Inn I have ever seen! Everything is too pretty to touch! We will continue our journey to Tennessee in the morning. Tonight we ate at OCharlies and my grandfather and I walked around the mall and visited a lifeway in the area. How addicted am I to my job that I feel the need to visit other branches while I am on vacation?! My grandfather has been so adorable. He was so curious and amazed by the mall. Everything was new to him, and it was so fun to watch. He is the funniest little man I have ever known :) He decided to hide in the closet at the hotel and barricade my aunt out of the room. A jokester for sure! I treasure this time with him more than I could ever put into words.

I leave you with some pictures from our last trip to Tennessee. I will post this years when I am back in Orlando :)

TTBI90D: Days 3-5 and some other happenings :)

2010-06-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

The end of Genesis and the Beginning of Exodus!

We are currently up to chapter 15 in Exodus. I must admit that it feels like a milestone, as small as it may be, to have finishing the first book. I am just as committed to this journey as ever, and I am so thankful that two of the most amazing ladies I know are along for the ride. Check out "Lights. . . Camera. . . Ashley" for another great blog.

The end of Genesis revolves pretty much entirely on the story of Joseph. This has always been one of my favorite characters in the Bible. This is a story in which the hand of God is so clearly evident that is is mesmerizing to watch God orchestrate the events of Joseph's life. Joseph was the underdog. Misunderstood, under-appreciated, scorned, mocked, sold, imprisoned, etc. How many of us would have quit after our own brothers sold us into slavery? Or how about after he was imprisoned? So many things happened in Joseph's life that could have given him a reason to quit. However, he let God work out His master plan, and the man that was sold as a slave in Egypt came to rule over it. Such is the power of God. Great and mighty things happen when we let the Lord work. I also love the portrayal of forgiveness we see. When Joseph and his brother's were reunited, they feared he would carry a vendetta against them for all of their evils against them. Instead of payback or vengeance, Joseph forgave and reassured his brothers that they were the means God used to bring Joseph into a position to save the people from the terrible famine. How mysterious and wonderful are the ways of the Lord!

Now that I am getting into Exodus, I have begun reading the story of Moses. Another very familiar story to me, but one that brings to mind a quote I once heard.

"God does not call the equipped;

He equips the called."

Moses did not understand why God has chosen him to lead the Israelites out of bondage, and he made sure that he gave the Lord a full list of reasons He was not good enough. God simply replied that He would give Moses what he needed. After more and more excuses, Moses finally went. How many times does God call me to do something that I refuse or I explain that I am just not equipped to handle that calling?

I am going to Kenya this December! When I first felt the Lord calling me to go I thought, I can't do this! I can't raise that money, I can't communicate with the people, I can't go to Africa! and maybe I can't, but God can. God can bring the money and help me connect with the people of Kenya. I am going, fully expecting God to show up. Pray with me about this trip :)

Well, that is all for now. I am semi-caught up. :)

Five days down. . . eighty-five to go :)

TTBI90D: Day 2!

2010-06-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Day 2: Genesis 17:1-Genesis 28:19

Chapters 17 and 18 remind me that we serve a God who's ways are not our own. His master plan is something we don't always readily see, and even when he reveals it, we may not understand it. This is where faith comes in. We must have enough faith to follow God's instructions, trusting he is working it all out for the good. Abraham does just that. When his wife Sara heard that God had supposedly promised she would bare a son in her old age, she laughed at the thought. I love what the Gen 18:14 says,

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

What a slap in the face! One i think we all need, including myself. How many times do I get wrapped up in a situation or struggle that I feel there is no way it will work out. It just can't be done. Is anything too hard for the Lord? NO! So why must we always fret. Why do we still search as if He's not enough?

CH 18: This is a unique exchange between Abraham and God, one I find quite amusing. Abraham barters with God, trying to lower the price of God's mercy. After seeing nothing but wickedness in Sodom and Gomorrah, God was going to destroy it. However, Abraham made a deal that if he found ten righteous men, God would spare the city. The interesting thing is that if Abraham had just reached his own family, the city would be spared. Abraham, Sara, his son and the woman who bore him, his nephew Lot and his wife and children, as well as their extended family (such a sons-in-law). It was not as if Abraham had to find complete strangers. If only his family had been righteous before God, the city could have been spared. Interesting thought I think.

CH 19: This is the big scene in which Lot's wife looks back and turns into a pillar of salt. Just a glance back at where she came from cost her everything God had set before her. Isn't that just like us? God gives us salvation, second chances, yet we still have a hard time letting go of the things he has told us to leave in the past.

CH 22: I have always been amazed by the story of Abraham being willing to sacrifice Isaac. What a beautiful foreshadowing of the sacrifice that God would give by allowing his only son to die. Oh, what I would do to have the kind of faith that took. A song says, " I wonder how it must have felt. Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill. But God in all his sovereignty had bigger plans, and just in time, he brought a ram. You were there, you were there in the midst of the unclear. You were there, you were there always. You were there when obedience seemed so out of reach, oh you were there. You were always there."

CH 28: God is speaking in verse 15, and I am so encouraged by His words,

"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you."

You see, God has a plan, a great plan for each and every one of us. If we let him run the show, instead of trying to accomplish it by our own means, we are promised that He will be with us and finish the work he starts in us.

Loving this challenge, you should join us. Day 2 is in the books, and God is already blessing me tremendously!

Through the Bible in 90 Days Challenge: Day 1!

2010-06-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

I am very excited to begin a new journey to read the Bible in 90 days. It is a commitment I am making over the course of the summer to commit to reading God’s word. My prayers is that I learn what I have never learned before and that who God is becomes that much more real to me. I want to learn as much as I can. As a result of my journey, I will be blogging about what I get from the reading each day. I would encourage anyone to join in with me. If you’d like to let me know! I ideally would like to blog everyday, but when that isn’t possible, I will still be reading and will catch up the blog as I can.

Day 1: Genesis 1:1-Genesis 16:16

CH 1: As I read the account of creation, I can’t help but marvel at our amazing creator. The intricacy of his design is enough to point men to a savior. I love that when he talked about creating the animals and other things he said to create an “abundance”. You can see Him as a master creator with a vision for His creation. When he begins to talk about creating man and making him in His image, I can almost hear the excitement and love in His voice. Charles Stanley’s study Bible points out a life principle during this passage,

“Our intimacy with God – His highest priority for our lives – determines the impact of our lives.”

How true this is! His desire for intimacy with his most prized creation is clearly seen in this account of creation found in Genesis. It is essential that we deepen that intimacy more and more. Our impact in this lifetime for the kingdom is directly correlated to the level of intimacy we have with God.

CH 2: How awesome is our creator that he knows our ever need and deepest desire. He saw Adam’s need for his missing piece. The relationship God forms in this chapter between man and woman is a beautiful thing. The account of God taking Adam’s rib reminds me of a quote the pastor said during my best friend’s wedding ceremony, “God did not choose a piece of Adam’s head, so that woman would be over him; nor did He select a piece from Adam’s foot, so that he would step on her. Rather, our loving Creator chose man’s rib, so that woman was taken from his side–to be his equal…from under his arm–to be protected by him…and from near his heart–to be loved by him.”

CH 3: One thing that caught my eye in this chapter is that the end is the first time we see “woman” given a name when Adam names her eve. This deception by Satan shows his very nature. He looks for our weakest moments (Eve was alone) and uses our deep desires (Adam and Eve sought knowledge and perfection) and uses them to draw us into sin. I see Eve’s reaction when God finds out about her sin to be much like many of our own’s. She automatically blamed someone else. Isn’t is so easy to say “The Devil made me do it.” rather than dealing with the issues at hand and our own failures before God.

CH 4: I have heard the story of Cain murdering Abel my whole life, growing up in Sunday school. It is so easy to say how awful and unfathomable his actions are, but when I stop to think, I am reminded that without daily walking with God and resting in his grace, I could quickly find myself doing things I never thought I would do. My sins are no worse in the eye’s of God than Cain’s were.

CH 5: I used to think geneologies of who begat who were beyond boring; but when I take time to look at it and really pay attention, there are many things to learn from it. Here we see the family lineage of Adam, which includes Noah himself, future boat enthusiast

CH 6: My favorite quote in this chapter, “Noah walked with God.” If God were to have written about us in his word, could that quote apply to our lives? Would our name be able to be placed where Noah’s is and the word of God remain truth? Now that is something to strive for!

CH 7: Fact, it wasn’t two of every animal that went into the ark. 7 of every clean animal, and 2 of every unclean animal. However, they did enter two by two How excruciating must it have been for a Creator to destroy is beloved creation. How gut-wrenching must it have been for God to look down and only see “wickedness continually” What do you think God is thinking as he looks down at us now, during our generation?

CH 8: I love this beautiful picture of God taking care of those who serve Him. In the midst of a world in chaos, God hand delivered his faithful people. How encouraging!

CH 11: In these geneologies, I learned that Abraham and Lot were descendants from the lineage of Shem, Noah son.

CH 13: What I find interesting about Lot’s decision of which way he wants to take his herd is that it was based solely on aritficial appeal. He did not seek counsel, but rather made a decision on the plains of Jordan because they looked good. Looks can be deceiving though, as we will later see that Sodom and Gommorah, home of so much wickedness and evil, was a part of the land Lot chose.

CH 15: I love what God says to Abram at the beginning of this chapter, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.” Those words are wonderful to me, and much needed at this moment!

CH 16: Sarai’s actions in this chapter show a tendency I feel many of us struggle with from time to time. She got to impatient to wait for God to complete His work in her, unfolding his perfect plan in His own time. Rather, she decided to take matters into her own hands, not trusting God to take care of things for her. Many problems start from this choice. I do it so often, I forget that there is a sovereign savior in control of every aspect of my life. There is not need to worry about tomorrow or try to work it out myself, God is already there and has everything set just the way he intends it to go if I will just follow Him and trust.

Wow, day 1 of this challenge was incredibly. I have a heavy heart about a situation, and there is nothing more encouraging than digging into God’s word and reading stories of provision and promise of God to those who trust in him. What a blessing.

Slow Down to Speed Up

2009-11-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

Wow. . . its been a while since I posted. Life is so beyond nonstop and I find it hard to get a spare minute for anything these days. Its funny how quickly life moves, it seems like just yesterday I began dating my boyfriend and next week will make half a year. The best half a year I could ever wish for.

I get to these times in life where I am so flipping excited about the future and all of the things I truly believe my future holds that I can hardly wait for it to get here. At the same time though, I am so in love with my life and I love this season of life too. Its this strange back and forth. Time passes so quickly, more quickly than we realize or really even wish it too. We turn around and wonder where the time has gone. How did I let it get this long since I've called that friend or visited that family member. When was the last time I just stopped? let the hussle and bussle of life just fall away?

We get so wrapped up in life that i passes us by. I want so much to live this part of my life to its fullest because I am a truly blessed person. At the same time, when I look at me future, the people and the things that make my future, I am so incredibly happy and blessed and some days I wish I could fast forward.

I guess what I am saying is no matter how bad some days or weeks are, I have a wonderful life full of wonderful people and I am blessed and happy.

Eye Opening. . . . .

2009-07-27T17:12:00.001-07:00

If you start reading this, please finish it. . .

So, here's the thing. In light of recent conversations I have realized that as much as I was aware of the way people perceive weight and the way that affects relationships and getting noticed by the opposite sex, I really had no clue the severity of it.

I guess it's because to me it doesn't matter. They way a person treats me and the heart they have are what matters. You can say I'm a liar if you want. You can say that it's not possible to really not care about looks but I know the truth. and it doesn't matter!

To hear the way guys think explained by a guy was shocking to me. It like how in the world is a woman supposed to be comfortable with who she is when she constantly has to worry about that. I am the girl who has struggled with it. I'm the girl who changes outfits about four times every day before she leaves because I think I look terrible. I'm the girl who always has her arms crossed trying to hide. On some days, Im the girl who overanalyzes everything she puts in her mouth because I am terrified of gaining weight. Literally, not a day goes by that I don't worry about it. I try to be rational and say it doesn't matter, but from the things I've heard in the past few days, it so obviously does matter.

It makes me so angry because there are girls who have it even worse. Girls who hurt themselves because of it. I fought against those things and thankfully am able to keep myself from doing that. But the constant insecurities have the power to wear anybody down.

I did not write this blog so I get 500 text message and 20 phone calls of friends yelling at me and telling me I'm fine the way I am . In fact, if you read this please don't talk to me about it. These are personal thoughts I am venting out.

However, I am writing this as a challenge. If you tell yourself that it's only natural to judge others on their outward appearance, if you use the copout that you are a guy and your mind just works that way, give it up. Choose to be better than that. I don't believe that people have to be that way. I don't believe that all the hurting and insecure girls out there have to feel these things so determine to be different. Be the change.

I am tired of the media and society telling girls that if they aren't a certain size or weight they aren't beautiful or they aren't normal or they don't deserve and won't get a boyfriend. That is pathetic and I don't buy it.

I don't care if you are a size 2 or a size 20, you're beautiful as far as I'm concerned. . . . .

I am so frustrated about this topic so if anyone has insights i'd love to chat about it, just not anything about me personal that I may have shared in this blog post.

Your Everything :)

2009-07-12T11:59:00.001-07:00

I found this beautiful song the other day and thought I'd share.

Enjoy. . . .

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew That I would do anything for you The first time you touched my face I felt What I'd never felt with anyone else.  I wanna give back what you've given to me And I wanna witness all of your dreams Now that you've shown me who I really am I wanna be more than just your man.  I wanna be the wind that fills your sails Be the hand that lifts your veil Be the moon that moves your tides The sun comin' up in your eyes Be the wheel that never rusts Be the spark that lights you up All that you've been dreamin' of and more So much more I wanna be your everything.  When you wake up I'll be the first thing you see and when it gets dark you can reach out to me I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost.  I wanna be the wind that fills your sails Be the hand that lifts your veil Be the moon that moves your tides The sun comin' up in your eyes Be the wheel that never rusts Be the spark that lights you up All that you've been dreamin' of and more So much more I wanna be your everything.  --- Instrumental ---  Be the wheel that never rusts Be the spark that lights you up All that you've been dreamin' of and more So much more I wanna be your everything.  I wanna be your everything.  I wanna be your everything...

Always Coming Up Short. . . way short.

2009-07-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

There is something funny about life. The way we try so hard to be everything for everybody. The way we try to be the best at everything we try to do. The sad thing is that isn't possible. We'll always come up short. We will fail, many times most likely.

I was sadly reminded today what it feels like to not be good enough. Its not enough anymore to do something because you love it or because its fun. If you aren't the best at it then whats the point. At least thats most people's view. I get so frustrated with all the pressure to succeed and to meet people's expectations. I'll never be perfect. I don't want to be perfect. I just want to be surrounded be people who love me for me, imperfections and all. Because imperfections make us who we are. Our failures are what teaches us how to succeed in the future.

I want to be able to do things for me, like sing at the top of my lungs and not care who hears, but I don't think thats possible. The experiences of our past and the people that have told us we aren't good enough will always be in our memory telling us we can't.

I guess thats just life.

Updates on my life. . .

2009-06-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

Well,

It has been a very long time since I have blogged. Its funny, i had forgotten I even had this thing until my sneaky boyfriend got bored at work and found it. Who knows what kind of interesting things he found in some of my older post. lol.

Well, alot has happened and changed for me in the past months. There have been some really hard learning experiences and just some really great moments. Overall, life is wonderful and I can't complain.

My friends are truly amazing. I know everyone thinks they have the best friends in the world but I am pretty sure mine actually are the best ever :) I have the privilege of living with my best friend. We have seen each other through so much in the past months and I am just so blessed to have her. She is truly my sister and I can't wait to be those women walking through the mall with their strollers side by side. haha we decided our kids will be best friends. I have so many other wonderful friends as well and I just have had such a great time in the past few months and summer has just begun. So thank you to you guys for making my life so worth it. Every day is new and fun and exciting.

As for my family, we are the same old Bristols. We'll never be perfect but I feel like we are in a good place. The transition of leaving the nest was a hard one to make and relationships were definitely tested but all in all we have come to a peaceful place. I cannot wait for our family cruise to the Bahamas one week from today!!! I just want to take a little moment to say how much I love my grandfather. I have found it sooo hard to give him all the time he wants with me. I do my very best and at times I feel like I fail him but its hard with my busy schedule. Its amazing to me how I can be in the worst situation, life can be crazy, i can feel completely hopeless but walking through his door brings me home to comfort, protection, and love. He is the reason I am who I am and I have made it to where I am. He's truly my rock.

Lets see what else is new. . . .

I am so excited to be an official UCF knight. Its all so exciting. Nervewracking, definitely, but amazing thus far. Also, I am very thankful for an awesome boyfriend who just gives me a reason to smile pretty much all the time :)

Well, now that I have been reminded of my blog I feel addicted again. I will definitely be updating this all the time :)

Thoughts from the Road.

2009-04-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

Well, i spent a very long time in the car riding to Tennessee. It gives a person a long time to think. In my case, thats not always good. I have a lot of things on my heart and mind lately. They are burdens I know only the Lord can help me handle, but I am also at a very happy time in my life. I am thoroughly enjoying my new place and newfound freedom and responsibility. However, I do think it is funny that as soon as I don't have to ask to do things, I have spent everynight holed up in my apartment with loads of homework. Oh well, such is life.

I am about to leave the hotel to attend my beautiful and amazing Aunt Fawn's viewing and then tomorrow is the the funeral. This is going to be harder than I want to realize and I would very much appreciate prayers for my family, especially my Uncle Ralph. I suspect the services, as they always do, will make me think alot about life and its value, about making the time I have count. I am sure it will inspire another blog.

I am off. . . I will blog again soon. After all, there is nothing else to do, stuck in this hotel room.

like the new Rascal Flatts song. . . i guess, Here Comes Goodbye. :(

New Beginnings!

2009-03-27T13:16:00.001-07:00

Today has been absolutely amazing thus far and It is only 4pm. I am at a point where pretty much everything about my life is changing, and as crazy and scary as the ride is, I am absolutely loving every minute of it.

For one, in less than two weeks I will have a new home. I have started packing. You don't realize all the random things you have accumulated over you life until you have to pack it all up into boxes. jeesh. It is insane, but I am so excited that in less than two weeks I should be all settles into my condo that I will share with my sister, and eventually Lizzie as well. That is a picture of me with my very first rent check :)

Second, I was accepted to UCF today. I have my A.A. and I will be transferring to get my degree in English Language Arts Education. I am excited, and extremely, extremely intimidated. However, it will be such a different experience and I am very happy to be a UCF knight. Yessss :)

I had a blast shopping for my new apartment today. Ahhh. It was a blast. I am so very thankful for my friends. They have made my life so very happy and worthwhile. I love you girls!!!

I am off to hang out with Katie. . . more to come soon. Well, maybe. Katie is setting me up on wordpress tonight. :)

Wake Up!

2009-03-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those wake up days for me. As if I had just splashed water on my face or stepped out into the sunshine. I had been having a couple of those dreaded kinds of days. The sad ones. I had let situations and circumstances get me down. There were many things going on. I was feeling unloved, unwanted, and miserable. When you are feeling down, it is easy to just keep thinking of things that have been hurting you and just pile it all on at once. I just sat there and let my self cry until I fell asleep. I woke up to a new day and a new perspective.

I have found that the people we love the most in this world are the people who have the power to hurt us the most. I have found that there will be times when you feel like you'll always be second place. I have found that love doesn't stop, even when you are hurting. I learned alot about myself, and about my capacity for forgiveness, love and understanding.

I had to remind myself that God has a spectacular plan for my life. I had to remember that someday, I will be THE one for someone, instead of being just someone. I like that :) I will be one in a million, not one of millions. When life gets me down, when the Devil tries to make me feel terribly ugly and unlovable, my creator wraps me in his arms and tells me it will all be ok.

I have thought more and more about things I have learned, and the Lord has really put it on my heart to help young women and teenagers girls in some capacity when I get older. I want to influence girls so they don't have to feel or experience some of the things I have. God has been so good to me. When I don't get what I want, I feel like there is something with me or that I did something wrong, when in reality God just has something better for me.

I love being positive. It is the new me. . . i hope.

The Beauty of Adoption

2009-02-22T20:02:00.000-08:00

Hey there. . .

SO today I think I went through about every emotion known to man. Today we got to celebrate the adoption of a very special boy. His name is Devin Jason Rumeau. My family came to know him when my mom's best friend volunteered as a tutor for a foster home. She became Devin's mentor and got permission to bring him to church. He became a part of our sunday school class and a HUGE part of my heart. We were there with him and praying for him as a couple families showed interest and then ended up backing out for one reason or the other and it broke my heart. There is something so special and strong about him. Then, the Rumeau's came along. They are such beautiful people. I couldn't have picked a better family, and seeing them together today made me know that God created Devin specifically for that family and he knew they would be together since before time began.

The only bittersweet thing about it is that I miss seeing him every week. He became like a little brother to me, and I remember us being in skits at church. One time we had to act like a married couple. He is so hilarious. I remember one day when we were talking about how great the Rumeau's were and how we really hoped they decided to adopt Devin, and my mom told me that had they not come along, they were seriously considering looking into adopting him. In a way it surprised me, but at the same time it didn't because I know how much my family loves him. Also, my Dad was in a children's home at Devin's age and I know he can really relate to him. After that day, I struggled with this sadness. Don't get me wrong, he belongs with the Rumeaus and I am SO happy for him, but it was just crazy to think that he could have been my little brother.

I just can't wait to see him grow up with his amazing new family and do great things. I am so happy for him and proud of him, as well as extremely blessed to have been a character in a chapter of his life's story.

One thing that this experience did for me was affirm in my heart my own desire to adopt one day and change the life of a child the way the Rumeau's have changed Devins. :)

If it's not for sale.

2009-02-10T18:54:00.000-08:00

We had to do a discussion in my psychology class the other day about whether we think men and women are treated differently in today's society. I quickly responded that it is very obvious this still happens. However, I am tired of women always blaming men. I am not saying some blame doesn't rest upon their shoulders. In a professional aspect, there is no reason a woman should get any less pay to preform the same tasks at the same level a man can.

However, I think the main thing today is that women always get hostile about the way men perceive them. They call men dogs and are so quick to talk about how they always think the wrong things and how they are creeps. Listen here honey. . . if it isn't for sale. . DON'T PUT IT ON DISPLAY! Women walk around barely dressed, drawing attention to all the wrong areas and then demand respect! It's absurd. I hate that women today get a bad rap for using things like that to get what the want. As a Christian young woman who is trying to just live right and be a Godly person worthy of a Godly man someday, I am tired of it. I have a T-shirt that says "Modest is Hottest". I love it. That's how I truly feel. If the only way you can get attention is by belittling yourself, then it's probably the wrong kind of attention for all the wrong reasons.

When a guy meets me on the street or passes me in the hall on campus, there will be nothing to distract him from looking at my face. I DEMAND respect, and I do what is necessary to deserve that respect. I want to be loved for the beauty on the inside before the beauty on the outside.

It breaks my heart to see these girls pass me buy on campus. I feel for them. I want them to realize that they are worth more. Ladies, don't settle for being that girl who has nothing special for her future husband because every guy that passes her on the street has already seen it. And guys, do your best to respect them, and please, show the right kind of girls some love. haha. that last part is a joke.

Just a little disclaimer, I am not a nun and I do not look super different from the rest of the world, but I will honor myself and my future husband by doing what is right.

Can I get a witness???

Healing for the Broken. . .

2009-02-06T19:08:00.000-08:00

I think one of the worst feelings a person can experience is life is helplessness. Not just helplessness in general but helplessness when it comes to protecting one of the people you love the most in this world. I spent much of my evening holding one of my best friends as her heart was breaking. I just held her and cried with her. I hope what I said helped but overall I just felt like my words weren't enough. I wanted to fix things for her. I wanted to make her whole, to put a bandaid over all the scars he has left on her heart. I know that is impossible, but when you love someone, that is all you want to do.

Without going into detail, the basis of what happened was that we ran into to guy she was dating for a year. Things just recently ended, yet there he stood right in front of us with another girl. I just held her as she cried and said, "He promised to love me forever. How does that just go away? Was I not worth it?" It broke my heart into more pieces than I can count to see her hurting that way. Part of me wanted to lay into him, I wanted him to know how much her hurt her and I wanted him to hurt just as much. The rational side of me however knew that wouldn't help anyone. As much as I wanted to do more for her, all I could do was be there for her, prove that I would always be there even though he left. She reminded me of myself not so long ago. I wasn't going through a relationship situation, but my philosophy in life was that people always leave.

The only thing that changed my perspective, the only thing that made me realize that I was loved no matter how badly other people, who claimed to care, treated me was that I had my faith. I have a Savior who gave his life for me. He thought I was worth it. I saw my friend putting herself down because of one stupid boy who didn't deserve her anyway. I wish I could make her understand that she is worth it. I wish every girl out there could know that they are worth it. People disappoint and people fail us, but God will never fail. God will always love and cherish us.

Tonight was just another example to me of "love" in this world. Promises mean nothing to most people and love is just a word people say without taking time to understand the meaning. How many people tell every person they date those words? I have never said that to someone because it has never been true yet. It is something I hold very important, something I will say to one man, and one man only. I don't want this world's cheap love. I see, as I saw tonight, the pain it leaves behind when it ends.